Some do this all the time. This moment though, was a first as a mother for me. I stood in the terminal and waited. I had made sure they were all checked in, the bags dropped off. Automatic systems aren't always the most helpful. We got through the security screening line, and made our way to the gate. They had lined up with the other passengers and walked down the stairs, out onto the tarmac. I could see them as they exited the bottom and bit by bit edged their way into the plane. They had waved as they stood on the stairs for the plane. |
I watched as the ground crew did all they needed to get the plane ready to go. One of my daughters kept sending me texts as they prepared to leave and eventually had to turn phones off. The doors shut, the stairs pulled back. The plane was left to its own devices. They were preparing to go. I was so conscious of a plane carrying my children. On their own.
I slowly started to walk back away from the gate. I could see the plane taxiing towards the end of the runway. It was next in line. I watched it as it gained speed. I stepped across to the other side of the walkway to see it with wheels in the air and then retracting as they left the ground.
The plane was in the air with my children in it. And I wasn't there, and neither was my husband, or a teacher, or an adult we had specifically handed trust of them over to. It was a moment of recognising vulnerability, and risk. Of being brave for a new thing to take place in life for them and me. If anything were to happen, I wouldn't be there. If anything were to happen they were on their own. I had to trust that if anything were to happen, the other adults around them on the plane, would watch out for them. I didn't want to think about that anymore . . . . That I found a little too scary. I had held that fear when they were babies. I had held that anxiety for a good few months.
My eyes quietly swelled, with a tear or two finding the edges to pool in. I could only pray that they would be safe as they went. And trust in God's keeping of them. My mother heart had to grow a little with this moment.